The Esau Family: December 2011

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Freedom of Speech

Today I am thwarted from my progress of updating my blog. I am up to Halloween and the fun and crazy times we have had since then, but today I am feeling a bit off center and needing to vent. The nice thing about a blog, is the ability to know that you can tell your story. YOUR OWN story. No one has the right to tell you what you may or may not write as long as it is not horribly inappropriate (sexual inuendo, etc).
I find myself lately realizing that some people in this world are consistantly obsessed with anger. A feeling most try to avoid. But some people find a sense of validation and comfort in feeling angry. It justifies their childish behaviors and their overly emotional reactions to events. Anger makes them feel like whatever they are doing is not their fault,...it's the fault of whomever made them angry. This has been repeatedly proven to be untrue. No matter what the cause of the anger you feel inside, all actions come down to the responsibility and accountability of the person doing the actions. Period. You cannot blame others for the things that you do. I believe whole heartedly others can provoke a feeling inside, that's like a reflex. Someone calls you fat, someone screams at your child, someone hits someone else in front of you...you immediately feel something regarding this. Which was provoked by their action. But the action you then take in response to this feeling, is all your own. You cannot justify angry childish and controlling behavior with, "well you made me feel like this..." That excuse ended in the 1st grade. I recently read an article on anger and ways to deal with it. Here is the link to the article:
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=18247316

The thing I found fascinating about this article was the truth in the "true" emotion behind anger. With every event that you end up angry from, if you trace back, you find you originally, even for a half second, felt a different emotion. Your reaction to feeling that emotion then makes you angry. For example, someone loudly calls out that you are fat. The intial emotion is actually embarrassment, not anger. Once you can tap into the initial emotion, you can deal with it and it's cause much better. This is something I truly believe in and find a great practice to start doing. Finding my true feeling aside from anger will help in not causing an uprising in other aspects of my life.

On another note, I am grateful for the right to freedom of speech. I have never in my life intentionally harmed another human verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically out of thin air. I don't ever go looking for issues and I certainly never think it alright for anyone to attack another human being for their beliefs or their rights. I write my feelings and my thoughts and the beauty is, I can. The country we live in gives us the right to express our creativity, our thoughts, our minds and our hearts through words and many other forms of artistic expression. The other side of the glory to this ammendment, is people can choose NOT to read or write or express if they feel so inclined. I happen to be a person that likes to involve others in my life and celebrate the good things, and emotionally support the bad. I will hold to the rights I have been given and if I feel so inclined to write something that has happened in life that has effected those I love, it is the beauty of freedom of speech that gives me that right. I will never write with maliscious intent, I will never believe in striking people down or causing pain for the sake of causing pain. I will simply say my side and hope that the love I intend is being felt. If not, then I feel sorry for you to be making something that was of loving intent to be negative and wrong. That is your mistake, not mine.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Owen 31!!

I love my older man :-) Owen is 4 years older than me and even though that's not really very far, I love our distance and the differences it brings us. I met this darling man at a time when I felt like my life could never be happy again. Now I find myself smiling at least once a day if not a ton more because of his crazy ways and adorable dorkiness.
To kick off his birthday, I went in and woke him up with a cupcake and a candle. Then he opened his present... A card telling him we would be shopping for a phone later that day :-). Owens phone broke months ago and he's been using a crappy basic replacement since.
After work, we headed to the phone store. He chose the Galaxy S! :-) we then went to the Melting Pot for dinner which was incredible where we played with his new phone, laughed, ate, got stuffed and even a little crazy hyper..... Pretty sure they cooked all the wine out of the fondue entre................ I think. ;-)
It was a nice day and a great evening. I love my darling Owen. He's stubborn and crazy and the most impatient man I have ever met.... But gosh he is the most passionate, loyal, Hilarious, and gentle hearted man. As Mitchell would say, I wuvs him.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Jessica's 7th Birthday!!

So I met this darling little girl when she was 3 1/2 years old. She had huge eyes and a ton of spunk! She has tought me so much about myself I don't think she will ever understand. She knows how to not only sink herself into my heart, but she consistently surprises me with the questions that come out of that beautiful brain of hers. She never ceases to amaze me. She's creative, strong, determined, stubborn like her daddy, funny, the world's best tickler (contribution of her boney little fingers that know how to fit through any barracade), sassy, and very intuitive. She loves to read and sing and play music and video games and stretch her atistic mind. She is my little step-angel and I am happy she is such a huge part of my life.
This year, she went through all the themes I had on my computer for birthday parties and carefully picked exactly what she wanted for her birthday. She chose TANGLED.