So I have a great marriage. I'm going to start with that because I don't want anyone to think this post is going to be a large rant that is anti men or pro women or the other way around. It is, however, an observation of the generational gaps that have happened in marriage since we were young kids.
I am 31 in a month and my husband is 35. Our generation, as children, experienced some of the best entertainment revolutions that have yet to have happened. Movies, cartoons and television were booming in the 80's and 90's. Legos, cult classic movies and Michael Jackson were all part of our upbringing. One of the largest changes that happened, however, was video games. Originally aimed at intriguing the minds of the young, video games were the wave of the future. I remember having an original Sega machine. We then graduated to a Sega Genesis. This was a big deal in our house. Most had Nintendo gaming systems, this being the rival of Sega. These were the only two that were predominantly taking over the minds of the children across the world. My brothers would play for hours. I loved Sonic the Hedgehog and Street Fighter. :) We would get one game, move to the next once we either got it from Santa, a birthday, or saved our pennies.
At this point, I'm sure you're thinking this entry is going to head in the direction of how video games impact the youth of today vs. the youth of yesteryear. Actually no. There are lots of scientific studies on this impact on children. Many related to violent teens, angry children and attention deficit disorders. This is not my purpose today. Instead, my purpose is to bring the correlation into how this revolutionary time spender (some would say waster) has affected marriage in people today.
I wish I could say I'm writing a giant thesis for college or conducting a psychological study. I'm not. I am a married woman in my 30's making a notable observation and would love for someone to actually study this topic because I think it's worth noting. While we all know that electronic devices, the internet and gaming systems are effecting our children so largely today (adhd, behavioral issues, impatience, appreciation deficit issues, etc) I find the connection to the children of yesteryear (my generation) and the marital struggles we have now to be intertwined.
So, it is a widely known fact that we write our own destinies. However, we also know a large piece of each of us is designed to be similar to that of our parents. Not only genetically, but also by sheer observation through the course of our lives. We do what we know. We know what we see. We see the adult influences in our lives for years until we decide to seek out our own. This is not to say you will be divorced if your parents are divorced. Absolutely not. You can learn from other's choices for sure.
But let me ask you this question: Did your father ever have an addiction to video games problem?
My guess is no. He did not. It wasn't his generation. I have known so many women that have grown to marry men who still play video games that are now being designed for their age groups. They use this as their hobby outlet. Most of these women have it as a source of contention in their marriage because they view it as a child's hobby. This is because video games came out to play when we were children. They also feel it takes their place as a time spender. So what do we do with it today? Many women have restrictions on their husband's gaming times or length in playing. Others forbid them all around. This causing the couple to fight or argue regarding the freedoms we all deserve, have or desire. Fairness becomes an issue as she may still shop when bored, but he is not allowed to play a video game....?
My excerpt today is not to be for or against this, but rather, to mark it as an issue that most don't discuss because they don't know how to handle it. It's new for us. It's new for the world to have this source of contention in marriage. Video games. Seen as a child's hobby has now transcended into an adult outlet for freedom and expression. But how much is too much? Is this to be forbidden?
My husband has an addictive personality. Our lives are too structured for the most part. They are scheduled to the minute of every day it feels like. So when, on the rare occasion, there is unscheduled or "free" time, he wants to jump on it and stretch it like there's no tomorrow. Like a person dieting that is finally told they can eat cake but they eat the whole thing. There have been times that I struggle feeling in competition with the video games he plays. I finally get free time and want to go on a date or what not. But he deserves an outlet just like me.
My suggestion to the married couples with this unique generational issue? Talk about it. Men, don't get defensive. She's not trying to steel your freedom, she's trying to figure out where she fits into your free time. Women? Don't restrict him like you're his mommy. This will end badly. Every time. Don't yell at him at the mention of the game. This is his hobby. It is no longer a childish hobby. Not anymore, this is a hobby that has come through and graduated the generations. Accept it like playing a guitar or reading a book, this is his personal free time. So budget your time. Talk it through, and allow each other those outlets that please you as long as they don't hurt others. If you are the girl and addicted to the video game and your husband wants more of your time, then simply switch the genders I have mentioned above! Just always know, if you are choosing a video game over your spouse every time, there needs to be a change. You need time as a couple to reconnect, and this will simply take your favorite free time activity and poison it in your relationship as being the wedge. Make a plan together as a compromise to not restrict each other from the things you each love to do with your personal free time. I promise, your marriage will feel so much better when he plays and it doesn't bother you anymore because you know you'll get your time with him soon too. :)
Good luck to you all!
Sincerely,
Crissy~
