Lime Green Lucky Stars

I love St. Patrick's Day. I don't drink so the reason I love it has nothing really to do with the age old tradition of a good excuse to get hammered...but rather, I love anything green and I love anything celtic. I wish America had cool traditions like that. The fourth of July seems like a hillbilly's free pass for blowing crap up and Thanksgiving is actually a pretty sad and racist event if you really think about it...hence, my jealousy of the good ol' irish. I am Scottish blooded, not Irish, but I can still hold respect for it :)
When I was a child, one of my randomly happy memories was 3rd grade, my mom taking me to the bus stop in Washington State and handing me a little present. It was a set of shamrock earrings for St. Patrick's Day. I love matching stuff like that. Probably one of the foundational reasons why I love accessorizing the way I do now that I think about it. Anyway, it always makes me think that I should do something cute and simple but memorable if possible for the kids each year on St. Patrick's Day.
So I decided to make them Pots of Gold! well.....gold...fish!

 

The next day the kids woke up with green toenails because the leprechaun came and painted them green in their sleep!

They also got their green on to make sure no bums got pinched in our house!

Luckily, the only pinching that happened all day was from them to daddy!

 

 

 

February Hearts and Flowers

I love Valentine's Day. I do. Owen, on the other hand, tends to feel like it's a forced holiday and doesn't really serve any purpose other than to judge one another's affection displayed in front of other people. That's way too much thought on it in my opinion. I think it's a good excuse to go a little over the top for the person that means the most in your life. So....there ya go :) This  year he got me flowers and chocolate and we went to Tucanos downtown for some stellar grub. I love the food there. I always leave that place slightly fatter and much happier than the moment I walk in :) Then we went and saw the new Bruce Willis Die Hard movie. It was exactly what you would expect it to be. Cheesy one liners, Bruce kicking some serious behind and this time an added element of him having a son. Go Die Hard. :) Most people think Owen pushes those shows...nope! I chose it! why is this idea so hard for others to grasp? Some stupid chick that hates action movies ruined it for the rest of us in this world. Anywho, I like violent actions movies. Call me a mutant. Whatevs. It was awesome, and I love my Owen. He lets me be the crazy weird version of the girl that I am. :)

Winding Down and Gearing Up!

I know I know. Long time, no write. Been a while. A lot has happened. That's what everyone says. And, in this instance, it is of course true as well. The last blog I made was in August. Ugh. Soooooo long ago in my head. So we're going to stream through and hit the high points:

Owen's Birthday:
Owen turned 32 this year. He acts like he keeps turning 50. Crazy man. But we had a fun time. I got him some tools. I felt bad because we were saving every cent we had to get into a home so according to my standards, it was a meager birthday for him.

House Buying:

Owen and I did it! We saved our pennies, called in favors, sold our souls and bartered with pirates! We bought our first home :) It's awesome. I love it.
The search was grueling. The market was horrid. A home would hit the market and ten families had put in offers before we could even inhale to open our mouths and talk about it. It was rough. We put in probably 5 offers on other homes until we found this one. The right now. We prayed about it and both of us decided we should consider moving north to be near the kids. We expanded our search and Owen found our new home. We are located in Centerville City just off the Parish Lane exit. It's perfect for us. We have a commute to work and adjustments to the new town, but the adventure has been worth it. The kids love how close we are. We can see them more often, we can spend a longer time with them when they come over and we are able to establish our own little home and family up here together. We have enjoyed every minute of it thus far.

Only a week or two after moving in, festivities began for the holiday season. I admit, this holiday season has been the hardest for me yet. Alot of expectation goes into the holidays for a wife, a mom and a home owner. I got overwhelmed. But I think we are finally out of the muck now! We pulled through!!

First came Halloween. Witch's Night Out is a must each year. I loved that the weather held out and was warm for us this time. We went twice, once with the Esau's and once with the Andersons. Both were a great time!
Then Little Haunts. This is my favorite tradition for Halloween I think. This Is the Place National Park holds this thing for kids and it's awesome every year! We heard a story from a witch, had homemade doughnuts, trick or treated in the old historic homes, road on the horses, pet animals in the petting zoo, road the train and played in their pirate ship! It is always a blast :)

Halloween night was a little weird for us actually. By the time the kids came to us, they were tired of trick or treating on Main Street in Bountiful with Barb so they mostly wanted to hang out and play video games. We had family over and treats out so that was fun. I did have a Pinterest fail. It was pretty funny. I saw a thing on how to make sugar cookies look like fingers. Here's the pinterest pic:

Here's what actually happened:
                                                       
                                                       Nailed it.

My birthday was a great one this year. Owen was adorable and found me a vinyl record player. I don't have one anymore but I inherited a collection of vinyls from my grandma. I have started collecting some from my era as well to keep the ball rolling! Owen picked out such a perfect one! I love it!!
Turning 28, however...not so awesome. Now I've got some ridiculous issue with my biological clock ringing, embracing my life and where I'm going and figuring out what comes next before I look back and regret doing nothing. Sigh. It's a standard problem everyone faces, and I will figure it all out, it's just a process.



Thanksgiving was a memorable one for me. My grandfather is dying of Cancer. We are at the stage where he has hospice in the home and he sleeps in a hospital bed each night. This is most likely the very last Thanksgiving and Christmas we will be able to share with my grandfather. I remember him every year of my life on the holidays doing our traditions and loving me through everything in my life. He has come to my performances, supported me in all my endeavors, loved me through my divorce and hugged me so close on my wedding day to Owen. I will never forget the beautiful and loving example of my grandfather. He is the best man I know. We decided to bring Thanksgiving and Christmas this year to my grandparents in their home.
I made cream puffs (first ever attempt at pastry cooking and I kicked butt!! If I do say so myself) Made them from scratch. I also made an apple pie, a butternut squash casserole (took 3 hours to make) and garlic Parmesan rolls. I was a bit tired by the end but it was worth it!
Owen also made stuffed mushrooms and I brought sausage balls. Some traditions cannot be ignored!

This Christmas season was great to have with my family in our new home. Admittedly, I hate the whole blended family thing because feelings can get super sensitive this time of year with who gets what tradition with the kids, but I think we pulled through pretty well. We did some of our key point events such as the Festival of Trees, we saw the lights at the zoo and we met with all our families and exchanged gifts.
For the first time, we also had Christmas Morning in our living room in our new home. We may not have had furniture other than the tree and a shelf, but had Christmas!! :)

 

The New Year rang in this year just Owen and I. I haven't really had the desire to "party hard" for a few years now. Weird how life changes on you with age. We just watched shows and a movie. Somewhere around 12:09 I started getting a bunch of texts. I was like...Oh, right...Hey, Happy New Year! lol. So, needless to say, it was a bit anticlimactic, but it was ok with me. This year will be great with or without a party or banging on pots and pans.

Mitchell turned 5!!!!
I have learned through the last few years that birthday parties can go one of two ways. Either I can plan it all, stress about it all, forget something and hate myself or take on too much so I don't even enjoy the party when it comes. This year, I refused to feel this way. Moving and the holidays and Jessica's baptism all burned me out last year. So this year, I just want to move through our events with traditional love and not worry so much about the big BANG to make it the biggest and the best. Eventually, you can't beat everything you do from the year before. So, this year, I booked a Superhero room at Classic Fun Place. Invited everyone and paid ahead of time for a hostess. It was awesome. The hostess got the pizza, drinks, ice cream, announcements, etc. I got to visit with people, watch the kids have a good time and make sure people remembered their coats at the end. *exhale* that was soooo nice! Mitchell had a good time and I wasn't pulling my hair out at the end! Win Win!

We got him some imaginext toys and a sock monkey. Owen's wrapping of the sock monkey cracked me up. Morbid looking.
My parents got Mitchell a car toy that hooks to his wall. He freaked out when we put it up! It's his favorite thing ever!!

Yay we are up to the present!!

January has been a little crazy for us here at the Esau house. Owen is doing school, I have had a bunch of stress at work lately and I have a new calling being a scout leader for the bears. We spoke in Church last week and it was awesome actually. I am looking forward to making some great friends in this ward and with our cute town up here. Setting down roots is not something I know a lot about. So here's to trying!! Wish us luck!

Jessica's Baptism

It's amazing, those moments when you graduate from child to parent. Occasionally, I still feel like a kid at heart. I love trampolines, cotton candy still solidifies any activity as "fun", and new nail polish will always make me feel pretty and giggle. But the moment you are watching your husband take his little girl into the baptismal font and baptize her a member of the church, you check in with reality and realize, yep, I'm grown up now. And now it is my responsibility to teach this girl through my example, the lessons and values my mother once taught me.
My mother made a dress for my oldest sister Vanessa when she turned 8. Vanessa was baptised in the font in this dress. Amy wore it after her. I wore it after Amy and Mindee then wore it after me. The dress has now been passed from daughters, to grandaughters. Jessica is the first of the grandaughters to wear this dress. Pouring around her skinny shoulders, Jessica wore with pride, what meant the world to me when I turned 8. I remember trying the dress on, watching my sisters wear it and dreaming of the day when I could wear the dress. It meant so much to me to have Jessica experience this special moment with such an heirloom that my mother started.
I don't know how long this dress will hold up, but I pray that the tradition will continue to pass on through the family.

After the baptism, Jessica came out of the font and looked at me from the side and beamed with joy, lifting her shoulders and sinking her head simultaneously with a big smile on her face as if to say, "Here I am! I did it!!!.......now can I get warm please?" lol.
I got to hug and kiss her and tell her how proud I was of her. I took the dress off and hung it up then gave Barb some time with Jessica.
In this moment, I stood there, looked in the mirror and saw a woman staring back at me. Not the child in my heart that I normally see. Yep, I teared up. I am so happy for Jessica in my life.
On to the confirmation!
We filed into the relief society room where another little girl was confirmed first. After her family filed out, we scooted in. My father, brother, Owen, his brother, my brother-in-laws and some of Ryan's family stood in the circle to confirm Jessica. Owen did such a beautiful job. Afterward, Jessica stood up, smiled, hugged her daddy, and shook the hands of every man in the circle. She hugged grandpa too :)

Afterward, we all went into the cultural hall that Barb and I had set up a few hours before. I did the decorations, Barb purchesed the food and the cake. I think it turned out very nice. At this party, we presented Jessica with a new set of scriptures. Blue with silver pages and her name engraved. I also layed out her baptism memory book for people to sign so she can look back and remember who came.

The day was a success. Jessica was announced in primary the next day and she bore her testimony on baptism in sacrament meeting. It was so sweet. I'm grateful for this wonderful day and that the whole thing turned out beautifully.

Summer Lovin'

Hi everyone that actually reads my blog J It’s good to be back. I’ve quite literally been too busy to get on here. I know everyone says that while eating a goodie and watching tv, but the honest truth is, I have not felt like I can breathe all summer. I think a lot of it has been the mental coping with all the changes happening, events being planned, and the kids to take care of. I think most people would look at my problems and see only pink lollipops, but for me, it’s been stressful. But, I am starting to feel the light touch my face at the end of this tunnel we called Summer.

To begin, Owen took Jessica to the Princess Ball. It was amazing. Jessica got all dolled up in her ball gown she picked out. The funniest part to me is, when she talks about her dress, does she say, “hey I got this beautiful Rapunzel dress!”? or “Hey I have a sparkley ball gown!!” ? …… NOPE. She says, “yeah I bought my dress at City Creek. Lol. That is her claim to status. Her “city creek” dress. She’s so freakin’ adorable.

So Owen took her to the ball and I took her to the Princess Festival. She got to meet the princesses and we did crafts and got her hair done at the end (which I had to re do because the chick straightened the curls she had and her hair looked fried…..but Jess didn’t notice ;)

The ball was Enchanting! Jessica says her favorite part was dancing with daddy on his feet because her toes were bare. She couldn’t walk in her heels for too long that night. I know that it was a very special memory for Jessica with her dad. I’m so glad we could make that happen for her.

For our One Year Anniversary, Owen and I decided to go up to the North Fork of the Duschesne River. My family camped up there for years. It’s a second home for me with how familiar it is. I can sit on that river and all the smells and trees and life out there just engulf me to help me remember my roots. I loved taking my disc-man (yep, that’s right….) out with me when I would hike up the side of the canyon. I would feel so much peace as I put my two favorite things together…Nature and Music. That’s happiness right there. By the end of the trip, my dearest friend and husband told me he would absolutely love to go back there and he wants to show it to the kids. That made me so happy. He felt the magic J

We played a game on our anniversary when we drove into Hanna. We decided that since we didn’t have gifts for each other, we would go into the country store (glorified gas station market) and pick out something for each other. Owen had to stay in the truck while I picked his gift and vice-versa. For Owen, I picked a new knife for his tackle box. Owen picked me out a hoody with the name of the nearby ranch on it. Beautimous J It was fun!

This year, instead of going to Bear Lake with the family, Shannen and Ben suggested we switch it up and try out Lava Hot Springs. Admittedly, we were skeptical. All we heard about it was there was a community pool and a river you can tube down. Being that we have a ton of pools here to choose from and we felt the kids were too young for tubing a river, Owen and I were not sure how we felt about this trip. But, we decided to put our game faces on and ride the wave to see how it went. No matter what, we will always come to the family trip, even if we have to sit out some events because the kids can’t participate.

Luckily, the trip turned out to be a blast! Granted, our tents were in a campground that I would never repeat……(RIGHT next to a train track that blew it’s horn ALLLLLL night. About every 30-40 minutes and it would blow for about 3-5 minutes each time). Needless to say, momma didn’t sleep too well…..which lead for a bit of a cranky Saturday start. BUT, we went to the pool and the kids had a great time!

Sunday, we headed up to the river. Owen, myself, Brandon and Ben road the river with Ben as the guide. It was extremely fun! After being convinced, we decided to put the kids in life jackets and put them in the center of the 4 man tubes holding on around my neck. They giggled with sheer delight the entire way. Jessica laughed her face off whenever Owen would get splashed and cold. Lol. She loved it! Mitchell was more hesitant from the start, but by the end, he was fighting with Jessica for turns to go next. The river really doesn’t ride much faster than rattle snake rapids at Lagoon and as long as either Owen or I were there, the kids were great.J They loved spending time with their cousins and grandma! J

On August 7^th, Jessica turned 8. Unbelievable! I know that it’s to be expected and time keeps moving so why would I be surprised…..but seriously…when the crap did she grow up! I met Jessica when she was 4. Mitchell’s current age.  I remember sitting on her bed at night, talking about stars and the fly away horse (a character in one of the songs I sing at night). She would tell me about her daddy and her mommy and her doggies like Abe. Owen and I were barely dating. I was terrified of entering the realm of parenthood because I didn’t have children of my own yet. I have never wondered if I would ever be a parent. I came from a loving and wonderful set of parents that cared about me and loved me. Did they have their faults? Sure. But I never questioned their love for me, or their standards in life. My background is solid enough that I knew I wanted children. I have always known I would have children. But I always pictured marrying a man and embarking on the journey of children together. Hearing the heartbeat of our first child together, seeing the creation of our families combined in a tiny beautiful being together. I never thought I would learn parenting backwards with children that were not biologically my own. But one night, this four year old little girl, with her big beautiful brown eyes laid in the groove of my shoulder and between songs looked up at me and said, “will you be my other mommy?”. The thought brought tears to my eyes that a 4 year old could ever grasp the concept. But for Jessica, it was never the words my “new” mommy or “replacement” mommy. It was my “other” mommy. Her capacity for love is so large. Her heart is so big. She has always known she need never choose between, but just grow her heart bigger. She loved me. Her love gave me a sense of confidence I did not have before. This four year old girl taught me that no biological connection was necessary to truly love each other as mother and child. I froze her in my mind at age 5. Granted, she is a skinny little thing. She is barely moving into a size 7 in her clothes…and that is a 7 slim! But her demeanor is changing. Her face, her grip on reality, her functionality and her spirituality have all been growing exponentially over the past few years. I am so proud of her. Of the levels of love she can give, the maturity she has shown in recent events emotionally and in the example she sets for her brother. He watches her carefully, and follows so much of her lead.

For her party, we did a pool party at Alta Canyon. I have to say it was the greatest success thus far for birthday parties on my part. I seem to get stressed out pretty easy when planning these things. I worry about the other families coming, if they will like the activities planned or be irritated with the environment for their children. I also want to make sure it’s not too expensive but something the kids will really enjoy doing on their birthday.  I found last year, that when I made a dragon cake for Mitchell, it turned out alright. So for Jessica, I decided to attempt a stacked castle cake. I was relatively proud of the outcome J

However, if I could do it all over again, I would make the layers more on top of each other to keep the cake from leaning. I’m not savvy on supports and structures in cake building. Perhaps I should take a class ;)
I also tried the Pinterest idea of making the balloons look like lollipops. That was pretty fun! They drooped a little through the day but I got lots of comments.
For my last birthday trick, I made faux gumball machines! I have to toot my own horn on this one. They were fun, inexpensive to make, and came out awesome!  Jessica really liked them too!

 

Now for the MSG additives. The stuff that has been causing my arteries to clog up and stress me out!

Everyone I tell we are buying a home to, either says, “oh isn’t it fun!!” or says, “really??....” followed by a lot of questions and criticisms to make sure we “know what we are doing”. Both…drive me crazy. I’m aware this is a problem on my end. Mostly. ;)

The process of buying a home has been…..tiring. Best word I could think of for it. It began with the budget plan. We originally didn’t think we had the credit or debt to income situation to qualify for a home loan. However, our biggest goal in living at Owen’s mom’s house for the past year has been to pay off Owen’s debt. (My debt is too large and crappy because of my ex-husband’s bankruptcy situation. We will most likely have to bankrupt my history and start from scratch). Anyway, we have successfully paid down most of Owen’s debts. When we realized we increased his credit score so much that we qualify for one of the best rates in town, we decided to take the plunge and start home shopping. I have been internet scowering, driving through neighborhoods, asking everyone I know and checking every opportunity I could find to see new homes on the market. We wanted to build our down payment and THEN shop, but this plan changed a bit. What started as “just looking for informational sake” turned into actual shopping because Sharon decided to list her home. In truth, it’s about time. She needs to sell that home. It will be the best thing that could happen to her and those boys to move out and have them start living on their own. Healthy, in my opinion. Just bad timing for Owen and I. We literally are at the finish line. Anyway, it forced us to speed up the process and start making offers, even though our down payment is not completely ready. Week by week I have been hoping we can scrimp more time to gather our down payment but week by week I have been hoping we find the “right one” so we can just get into it! Talk about mixed emotions. We found a realtor in our searching…..and regret a little bit how that has gone down. I feel I have been doing the work. He kept sending us homes that we would never even consider that had nothing we wanted. Finding a home can really turn into a full time search! Very frustrating! There is nothing worse than knowing who you are, then being told by someone else who you should be or how you should think….Owen and I both feel a little irritated with this process and how not a lot of people have faith in us. We know how it looks. I was living with my parents. Owen was living with his mom. We got married and kept living there. We pay child support and still have to buy the food, activities and supplies for the kids when they are at our house separate from the money we pay for child support. We are strapped. BUT, I have worked it out and with our income, we can get a decent home and still afford our lives. And when I say decent, I mean it. Owen and I are not newlywed children. This isn’t our first rodeo. We, unfortunately, just have to start back at scratch and move up because of our histories. But we will do it. I have all the confidence and faith in the world that this will work out.

We have found a home we love but it’s still in the works so I am not going to report on it yet. I would hate to put it on my blog and then regret that decision if things changed. So….stay tuned!

So there are only two major events left before I feel like my breath can come back. 1. Jessica’s Baptism and 2. Moving into our first home together.

The baptism is this Saturday September 1^st. The planning and stressing about this occasion has been intense, but I think it will pay off and be a beautiful event. Barb and I have been doing very well on our relationship lately and have been working very hard together to pull this baptism off where we hope  it will be incredibly special for Jessica. I’m so excited that she is going to wear the dress I wore when I was baptized. My sister’s wore it as well and their daughters will also wear it. I made Jessica a book for her baptism as well. I hope she will use it and keep it forever to remember the beautiful feeling of this huge moment in her life. And the best part is, Owen gets to baptize and confirm Jess. This is such a great moment for Owen. We have worked so hard for the past two years to really change our lives around and bring back the spirit in our lives, our home, and for our family. I am so proud of the path we are going and know that it can only get better from here :)