Hi everyone that actually reads my blog J It’s good to be back.
I’ve quite literally been too busy to get on here. I know everyone says that
while eating a goodie and watching tv, but the honest truth is, I have not felt
like I can breathe all summer. I think a lot of it has been the mental coping
with all the changes happening, events being planned, and the kids to take care
of. I think most people would look at my problems and see only pink lollipops,
but for me, it’s been stressful. But, I am starting to feel the light touch my
face at the end of this tunnel we called Summer.
To begin, Owen took Jessica to the Princess Ball. It was
amazing. Jessica got all dolled up in her ball gown she picked out. The funniest part to me is, when she talks about
her dress, does she say, “hey I got this beautiful Rapunzel dress!”? or “Hey I
have a sparkley ball gown!!” ? …… NOPE. She says, “yeah I bought my dress at
City Creek. Lol. That is her claim to status. Her “city creek” dress. She’s so
freakin’ adorable.
So Owen took her to the ball and I took her to the Princess
Festival. She got to meet the princesses and we did crafts and got her hair
done at the end (which I had to re do because the chick straightened the curls
she had and her hair looked fried…..but Jess didn’t notice ;)
The ball was Enchanting! Jessica says her favorite part was
dancing with daddy on his feet because her toes were bare. She couldn’t walk in
her heels for too long that night. I know that it was a very special memory for
Jessica with her dad. I’m so glad we could make that happen for her.
For our One Year Anniversary, Owen and I decided to go up to
the North Fork of the Duschesne River. My family camped up there for years.
It’s a second home for me with how familiar it is. I can sit on that river and
all the smells and trees and life out there just engulf me to help me remember
my roots. I loved taking my disc-man (yep, that’s right….) out with me when I
would hike up the side of the canyon. I would feel so much peace as I put my
two favorite things together…Nature and Music. That’s happiness right there. By
the end of the trip, my dearest friend and husband told me he would absolutely
love to go back there and he wants to show it to the kids. That made me so
happy. He felt the magic J
We played a game on our anniversary when we drove into
Hanna. We decided that since we didn’t have gifts for each other, we would go
into the country store (glorified gas station market) and pick out something
for each other. Owen had to stay in the truck while I picked his gift and
vice-versa. For Owen, I picked a new knife for his tackle box. Owen picked me
out a hoody with the name of the nearby ranch on it. Beautimous J It was fun!
This year, instead of going to Bear Lake with the family,
Shannen and Ben suggested we switch it up and try out Lava Hot Springs.
Admittedly, we were skeptical. All we heard about it was there was a community
pool and a river you can tube down. Being that we have a ton of pools here to
choose from and we felt the kids were too young for tubing a river, Owen and I
were not sure how we felt about this trip. But, we decided to put our game
faces on and ride the wave to see how it went. No matter what, we will always
come to the family trip, even if we have to sit out some events because the
kids can’t participate.
Luckily, the trip turned out to be a blast! Granted, our
tents were in a campground that I would never repeat……(RIGHT next to a train
track that blew it’s horn ALLLLLL night. About every 30-40 minutes and it would
blow for about 3-5 minutes each time). Needless to say, momma didn’t sleep too
well…..which lead for a bit of a cranky Saturday start. BUT, we went to the pool
and the kids had a great time!
Sunday, we headed up to the river. Owen, myself, Brandon and
Ben road the river with Ben as the guide. It was extremely fun! After being
convinced, we decided to put the kids in life jackets and put them in the
center of the 4 man tubes holding on around my neck. They giggled with sheer
delight the entire way. Jessica laughed her face off whenever Owen would get
splashed and cold. Lol. She loved it! Mitchell was more hesitant from the
start, but by the end, he was fighting with Jessica for turns to go next. The
river really doesn’t ride much faster than rattle snake rapids at Lagoon and as
long as either Owen or I were there, the kids were great.J They loved spending
time with their cousins and grandma! J
On August 7th, Jessica turned 8. Unbelievable! I
know that it’s to be expected and time keeps moving so why would I be
surprised…..but seriously…when the crap did she grow up! I met Jessica when she
was 4. Mitchell’s current age. I remember
sitting on her bed at night, talking about stars and the fly away horse (a
character in one of the songs I sing at night). She would tell me about her
daddy and her mommy and her doggies like Abe. Owen and I were barely dating. I
was terrified of entering the realm of parenthood because I didn’t have
children of my own yet. I have never wondered if I would ever be a parent. I
came from a loving and wonderful set of parents that cared about me and loved
me. Did they have their faults? Sure. But I never questioned their love for me,
or their standards in life. My background is solid enough that I knew I wanted
children. I have always known I would have children. But I always pictured
marrying a man and embarking on the journey of children together. Hearing the
heartbeat of our first child together, seeing the creation of our families
combined in a tiny beautiful being together. I never thought I would learn
parenting backwards with children that were not biologically my own. But one
night, this four year old little girl, with her big beautiful brown eyes laid
in the groove of my shoulder and between songs looked up at me and said, “will
you be my other mommy?”. The thought brought tears to my eyes that a 4 year old
could ever grasp the concept. But for Jessica, it was never the words my “new”
mommy or “replacement” mommy. It was my “other” mommy. Her capacity for love is
so large. Her heart is so big. She has always known she need never choose
between, but just grow her heart bigger. She loved me. Her love gave me a sense
of confidence I did not have before. This four year old girl taught me that no
biological connection was necessary to truly love each other as mother and
child. I froze her in my mind at age 5. Granted, she is a skinny little thing.
She is barely moving into a size 7 in her clothes…and that is a 7 slim! But her
demeanor is changing. Her face, her grip on reality, her functionality and her
spirituality have all been growing exponentially over the past few years. I am
so proud of her. Of the levels of love she can give, the maturity she has shown
in recent events emotionally and in the example she sets for her brother. He
watches her carefully, and follows so much of her lead.
For her party, we did a pool party at Alta Canyon. I have to
say it was the greatest success thus far for birthday parties on my part. I
seem to get stressed out pretty easy when planning these things. I worry about
the other families coming, if they will like the activities planned or be
irritated with the environment for their children. I also want to make sure
it’s not too expensive but something the kids will really enjoy doing on their
birthday. I found last year, that when I
made a dragon cake for Mitchell, it turned out alright. So for Jessica, I
decided to attempt a stacked castle cake. I was relatively proud of the outcome
J
However, if I could do it all over again, I would make the
layers more on top of each other to keep the cake from leaning. I’m not savvy
on supports and structures in cake building. Perhaps I should take a class ;)
I also tried the Pinterest idea of making the balloons look
like lollipops. That was pretty fun! They drooped a little through the day but
I got lots of comments.
For my last birthday trick, I made faux gumball machines! I
have to toot my own horn on this one. They were fun, inexpensive to make, and
came out awesome! Jessica really liked
them too!
Now for the MSG additives. The stuff that has been causing
my arteries to clog up and stress me out!
Everyone I tell we are buying a home to, either says, “oh
isn’t it fun!!” or says, “really??....” followed by a lot of questions and
criticisms to make sure we “know what we are doing”. Both…drive me crazy. I’m
aware this is a problem on my end. Mostly. ;)
The process of buying a home has been…..tiring. Best word I
could think of for it. It began with the budget plan. We originally didn’t
think we had the credit or debt to income situation to qualify for a home loan.
However, our biggest goal in living at Owen’s mom’s house for the past year has
been to pay off Owen’s debt. (My debt is too large and crappy because of my
ex-husband’s bankruptcy situation. We will most likely have to bankrupt my
history and start from scratch). Anyway, we have successfully paid down most of
Owen’s debts. When we realized we increased his credit score so much that we
qualify for one of the best rates in town, we decided to take the plunge and
start home shopping. I have been internet scowering, driving through
neighborhoods, asking everyone I know and checking every opportunity I could
find to see new homes on the market. We wanted to build our down payment and
THEN shop, but this plan changed a bit. What started as “just looking for
informational sake” turned into actual shopping because Sharon decided to list
her home. In truth, it’s about time. She needs to sell that home. It will be
the best thing that could happen to her and those boys to move out and have
them start living on their own. Healthy, in my opinion. Just bad timing for
Owen and I. We literally are at the finish line. Anyway, it forced us to speed
up the process and start making offers, even though our down payment is not
completely ready. Week by week I have been hoping we can scrimp more time to
gather our down payment but week by week I have been hoping we find the “right
one” so we can just get into it! Talk about mixed emotions. We found a realtor
in our searching…..and regret a little bit how that has gone down. I feel I
have been doing the work. He kept sending us homes that we would never even
consider that had nothing we wanted. Finding a home can really turn into a full
time search! Very frustrating! There is nothing worse than knowing who you are,
then being told by someone else who you should be or how you should think….Owen
and I both feel a little irritated with this process and how not a lot of
people have faith in us. We know how it looks. I was living with my parents.
Owen was living with his mom. We got married and kept living there. We pay
child support and still have to buy the food, activities and supplies for the kids
when they are at our house separate from the money we pay for child support. We
are strapped. BUT, I have worked it out and with our income, we can get a
decent home and still afford our lives. And when I say decent, I mean it. Owen
and I are not newlywed children. This isn’t our first rodeo. We, unfortunately,
just have to start back at scratch and move up because of our histories. But we
will do it. I have all the confidence and faith in the world that this will
work out.
We have found a home we love but it’s still in the works so
I am not going to report on it yet. I would hate to put it on my blog and then
regret that decision if things changed. So….stay tuned!
So there are only two major events left before I feel like
my breath can come back. 1. Jessica’s Baptism and 2. Moving into our first home
together.
The baptism is this Saturday September 1st. The
planning and stressing about this occasion has been intense, but I think it
will pay off and be a beautiful event. Barb and I have been doing very well on
our relationship lately and have been working very hard together to pull this
baptism off where we hope it will be
incredibly special for Jessica. I’m so excited that she is going to wear the
dress I wore when I was baptized. My sister’s wore it as well and their
daughters will also wear it. I made Jessica a book for her baptism as well. I
hope she will use it and keep it forever to remember the beautiful feeling of
this huge moment in her life. And the best part is, Owen gets to baptize and
confirm Jess. This is such a great moment for Owen. We have worked so hard for the past two years to really change our lives around and bring back the spirit in our lives, our home, and for our family. I am so proud of the path we are going and know that it can only get better from here :)
