Celebrity Motivation

So Ashley's husband has a great job that always gets him comp'd concert tickets. I got a call from Ashley the other day and she said she had tickets to Ed Sheeren. I was ecstatic! I got a babysitter and went early enough they we made it to the meet and greet!! Soooo awesome!! We laughed a ton, sang a bunch at the concert and started motivating ourselves to work harder on music again. 

At the meet and greet, he was so real. It was like the barrier of celebrity vs. civilian was completely nonexistent. Some celebrities are snobbish and high and mighty. Not Ed Sheeren! It was awesome. We are too much ginger awesome for one picture 

Mother's Day 2015

I LOVE my Mama! I really truly do. She brightens my spirits, understands me when I'm being weird, and talks to me even when I'm bugging everyone else. She gets me. Mother's day was a bit hard this year. After the miscarriage I just felt like the day was supposed to be more special. Owen's ex had the kids all day in California so I couldn't see them for any time that day either. I know she loves them too and it's not a bad thing for them to be with her on Mother's Day. They did decide to make a point of making sure the kids are not with us on Mother's Day though so that is kind of frustrating. I'm not insecure about my role in their lives or them knowing it so I didn't make a fuss about it. We have taught them that I love them like my own even though I am not their biological mother. I know some people have confusion about that but I have made it clear to the children we never act like I brought them into this world, but we make a big point that they understand it is ok for me to be a part of the world they live in and that I love them no differently. I think it is very important for a child to feel loved by those who care for them. I have been in their lives for a long time now and been a part of so many wonderful and equally challenging experiences with these children. They have expanded my heart to being so much larger than I thought it ever could be and have taught me so much about myself and my life. Parenting and being a part of raising them has fundamentally changed the course of my life. I will always be a mother to them and love them for eternity as one.
 It is not how I was raised. I had one mother. Often times I think about that and worry that the kids might feel damaged or different in a blended family, but then I re-think it and realize, if they know they are loved and we always make sure their best interests are at the forefront of the decisions, then I think they are blessed to have so many who truly love and care for them. They will grow from each one of us as parents. I love my mother and my father in different ways but equally as deep. I believe our children can do the same for each side of parents they have. Love has no limits. The heart is a great thing. I am so grateful to have these children in my life and for what that has made me.

 My friend Bridgette is pregnant right now and was able to announce it to her family that day. I'm super excited for her and Ben. I love them dearly and am so excited for this new chapter in their lives! It will be quite the adventure :-)

Owen has never ever missed a beat or let me down with Mother's Day. He was so sweet this year! He bought me a lily 

A few days later it blossomed so beautifully!! 

And he bought me my very first piece of expensive and nice jewelry. This necklace is made of silver and diamonds and holds and inside story between the two of us. I love this man with all my heart. Thank you for always making me feel special. 

Superheroes

So a couple years ago, my Grandpa Hathaway passed away. It was a rough time for us all. I loved my Grandpa with all my heart. He was a great man. One I strongly admire. After his death, my grandma has had a hard time, but none harder than lately. She was doing yard work, and broke her back. The night before they were coming to fit her for her back brace, she stepped wrong and fell, breaking it two more times. Three breaks total. She went into the hospital for a few weeks. We went to visit one night and my Uncle David surprised her with a visit the night he was graduating from college with his masters degree!! She was ecstatic!! It was truly adorable.

It's been hard to see all the drastic changes happening so quickly. She isn't healing as quickly as they'd like because of her osteoporosis so she has to go live in a senior living center. We went to her home, my mom and her siblings held a meeting and they all dispersed her things and sold her house in a matter of days. Such a flury. I admit I cried. Although I'm sure it's better we do this before her death instead of after because this way she has a say in how it all goes. I love my grandma. My mother grew up in this home, but I kind of feel I grew up there too. It was such a constant in my life. I was able to grab a few memory shots of the yard before it was gone. This cherry tree will always be my home away from home...

My grandma and grandpa both built this yard from dirt. My grandfather built this shed

I think even the sky was moody that day, not just me

I hope one day My home can bring as much joy to my children and grandchildren as my grandparents' home did. 

Our Ninja Boy!!

Mitchell has been doing karate for a few months now and absolutely loves it! I have to hand it to Owens ex-wife, she found a great dojo to enroll him in. He has really sparked with life about it and wants to keep going. It's rare to see him ambitious about anything. He isn't coordinated and doesn't like sports usually. He doesn't like adventuring through nature the way Owen and I did as children. We loved catching insects and small animals and making them our pets, etc. Mitchell prefers video games, shows and playing with his toys often on his own. But karate has really became a passion for him. He practices in his free time and talks about moving up levels and doing it until he's old enough to have his own studio....it's so great to see his heart get happy about something like this. He recently had a leveling up ceremony at the studio. We are so proud of our little orange belt!!!!

Trailers and Family cars!!

So Owen and I have had a vision now for a while of having a nice trailer. We love camping. We go each year with our families. However, we have realized there are a few setbacks we haven't really realized before that have surfaced recently. Because of these, we decided to save up and get a trailer! 

First is Owens back. He has been hospitalized a couple times now for his back. He has degenerative disc disease and has had discs herniate. I can't express the excruciating pain experiences in that circumstance. If you've ever had that, I am truly sorry for you. This being a problem for him, he doesn't do well sleeping on air mattresses, sleeping bags or even cots. All of them seem to make the problem worse. Next is the children in the night thing. We know we'll be having more children and Mitchell is still working on his nighttime potty training so inevitably, night time bathroom runs will be our reality for a while. After being in a tent for so many years, I admit, this one was for me, I decided, we need the kind of trailer with a bathroom. Period. I absolutely hate midnight peeing in a bush while your kid is nervous in the dark and they get pee on their Jammie's anyway, or worse, they don't tell you out of fear and their sleeping bag is covered in pee the next morning....and the remainder of the trip. No thanks. So the bathroom is for nighttime and #1 jobs only. 

Another reason was baby convenience. I know after we have a baby, we probably won't have the money for a trailer but I knew if we have a baby, I'd love a place to nap them while camping away from the bugs, the sun, the heat and the noise. I remember napping Mitchell in a pack and play when he was 1 1/2 in the middle if summer outside the tent because the tent was too hot. Awful. The sun, people not remembering to keep quiet, no privacy, etc. 

and last but not least, is the selfish Mommy fun factor. It seems like every time we camp, I don't have fun. It's just work. We get there, putting the tent up, getting beds made, getting dog stuff put together, kitchen bags out, bathroom bags organized, dinners ready over the fire, s'mores to follow, pajamas on and kids to bed....it's all just work. I would love to be able to throw our duffle bags and food in the trailer and go. Get there, set it up and be done. I go camping to relax. Not to work more. So hopefully this will help us do that :-) 

So, big reveal....drum roll please... Here she be!! 

We decided to go with a slightly older model because Owen knew I'd be gutting it anyway. I love renovating things and upgrading them. I'm super excited about the projects ahead and promise to post pics soon!

The inside is all mauve and very 90's, but the bones and layout are great. I'm super excited for all the adventures our trailer will give us :-) 

Sad times

So not every experience is a positive one in life. I try to keep this blog petty happy, but every now and then, a sad event will take place that effects us so deeply that we can't ignore or will it away. So instead I will document it. After this tragic event, a friend in my neighborhood requested I follow her page called Monday Morning Mommy on Facebook. She didn't know what had happened to me, but this called out to me as a great opportunity to seek support through the struggle I was facing. So I posted the story on this page. I feel I worded it well in that post. So, I think instead of trying to duplicate those sentiments again, I will instead paste what I wrote here. 

Disclaimer: I also wrote this in the context that many people in my neighborhood still don't know me and question the lifestyle of a step mother. So I also touch on that in this post. Here it is: 

I apologize in advance for the novel....

Being invited to this page means a lot to me, for multiple reasons. First, because it is amazing how many women out there will treat me differently or with lesser respect because my children are my step-children. Most women will use verbiage like, well when you're a REAL mother....then continue their thought. I have learned so strongly that giving birth alone does not a mother make. It is all the moments in the day and the millions of seemingly microscopic decisions that help your children feel loved by you. Putting the spatula down, walking around the counter and helping Mitchell read a word that he is stuck on and doesn't know the meaning of, helps him understand that I actually care more about him than my schedule. I know and respect that giving birth to a child is so miraculous. That it is an experience no one can understand fully until they have done it themselves. But I have held him when he was a baby at 2am with both of us crying because he was sick and I was so tired and new I had to work a full day the next morning. I have been in church when his diaper overloaded with diarrhea all over my dress or held Jessica while she's crying with a fever that won't break. I've bandaged cuts, hugged for so long they start trying to wiggle away, laughed, cried, taught and tried new things with my children. I love that I was asked to join this group because while I am not linked by blood to my children, I have adopted them in my heart and into my life by choice and feel as much a mother in most cases as any other woman. I feel frustrations and struggles and I'm so grateful to have other women nearby that I can relate with and learn from and maybe even offer some insight on my own that could potentially help others, though I'm sure I will learn more from you all.

That being said, I move on to the second reason I am grateful to be part of this group. I love my children as my own. I have told them that they can think of me like that deer that took care of kittens when their mommy wasn't there. I am not a cat like them, but I can still watch over them like a mother would. However, I look at them and I see Owen, I see their biological mother, I even see their grandparents or Owen's siblings in them....but I don't see me. I know they pick things up from my influence in their lives, but they don't have pieces of me that make up where they come from and why they are the way they are. For a while now, I have wanted to know my biological children. Owen and I have been trying but I started to worry that I would not be able to get pregnant. Last week, I found out I was pregnant. 5 weeks along. I have never felt so much excitement, joy and disbelief all at one time. I made Owen keep reading the test because I have seen so many negatives, I almost couldn't believe it. In my excitement, I start doing what so many do, I bought the pregnancy app that shows me the growth of my baby, I set up my first appointment with my doctor, I started thinking of all the cute ways to tell my parents, then everyone else, etc. 

On Saturday night, I had a nervous tummy. Anxiety wouldn't quit. I told Owen I felt worried. What if I lost the baby? He told me to stop thinking about that. So we watched a comedy movie to distract my thoughts and I fell asleep. 

Sunday morning I woke up and my phone dinged. "you are now officially 6 weeks along and your baby is the size of a grain of rice..." I was so excited. I took my phone into the bathroom with me (don't tell me you've never done that, I won't believe you) and I read everything about it that the app could offer. Then I looked down. I was bleeding. Owen and I called the on-call doctor and she said this can happen in the first trimester but if it's accompanied by cramps, then it is most likely a miscarriage. Soon to follow was the worst cramping I have ever experienced. All I could think was, I am broken. Worst. Easter. Ever. The day was filled with tears and sorrow and pain both physically and emotionally. It was just too perfect. We could have announced it on Mother's Day, I would have had a big belly on Halloween, the baby would have had a November birthday like me and we'd have a little elf baby in a stocking for Christmas. But no more.

On Monday, I went in for blood work. It confirmed I was miscarrying. This is why I wasn't at book club this week. I have been looking forward to it for a while actually. I have been needing to connect with people nearby but I was still kind of a mess and new I would just be a cry fest. I figured that wouldn't be the best way to get to know me. 

Now for the silver lining. These past two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. Hope, happiness, fear, pain, tears, knowledge and acceptance. But most of all, I have learned a few things I can now use to build my hope for the future. I now know I am capable of becoming pregnant. I know I am not completely broken. Everyone likes to tell me how common miscarriage is. Millions of mothers do it. Many feel you almost have to miscarry first in order for your body to prep to keep it the next time. I understand all these points, and they make perfect sense... though it doesn't take away the feeling of loss when your hopes have been up so high. 

So,I got on my knees. I thanked Heavenly Father for the knowledge I now have of my body. For the hope and faith I can now lean on for the future. This baby may not have been mine to have now, but I know that everything happens for a reason. I am grateful to be a member of this group because you just gave me the forum to express my feelings about this. It has been so hard and I have felt very alone. So, thank you. I love you ladies. Hopefully soon I will have a baby of mine own to cry with at 2am but until that day, I hope you can all be ok with me giving the experience of a step mother who loves her kids. (and I promise, not every comment I leave will be an autobiography of my month) ;)

Crafts, skis, and Easter Bunny parties!

Every year, my mother and I plan to go to the scrapbooking expo. We both absolutely love crafting!! But it seems like something always gets in the way. This year, however, we were determined to make it happen. So I bought the tickets and we took the day for just us :-) we scrap booked more pictures than we took, haha, but at least we got one!

We loved it! This will be a tradition we keep up every year! 

The next morning, we had the opportunity to go support Elan. His job was to guide the handicapped through their ski racing. He did a great job, we had a lot of fun at the event with the family...even a few unexpected guests decided to show up :-) 

The next evening, we all got together for our annual Easter dinner to dye eggs and talk about the true meaning of Easter :-)

I really love my munchkin rues :) Happy Easter everybody!!