Thankful

Most years, I admit I kind of get irritated when people post every single day of November something they are thankful for. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti gratefulness. Not in any way! But I start feeling like it's in-genuine and like they feel forced to come up with something each day just because they said they would. Then you get those things like, "I am thankful for paint that stays on the walls but washes off my hands" type of thing. I just never have bought into that kind of gratefulness sharing.

However, this month, my heart is very full of Thankfulness. More so than most I think. I have so much I am thankful for. On the very top of the list, though, I would say is this:

I am so incredibly thankful for the ability I have to grow this miraculous baby inside me.

I have had friends, family and colleagues who have had difficulties or problems with either getting pregnant, staying pregnant, or giving birth. As a woman, even one who wasn't sure how many, if any, children I was going to have, I have always thought it's just what our bodies are made to do...but then watch in agony as someone I love cries through the pain of losing their child, or never experiencing the joy that it is (and sometimes disbelief) that the stick shows positive. I am humbled by this experience. It is no small feet and is also truly miraculous. I feel some women take it for granted. So many get pregnant and go, well yeah of course because I'm a woman. No. This is incorrect. For whatever reason, I have known so many, seemingly unbelievable numbers of women that experience complications with this act of what most call "nature". Be it genetic, their environmental circumstances, the male side having an issue or whatever the case may be, I have learned this experience is truly unique for all and I am so incredibly thankful to be counted among those able to participate in the creation of a child. This is my child. I feel her move, her flutter, her elbow and kick me and I have moments of (or constant) uncomfortability with my own body. My back aches, my lower abdominal ligaments scream every time I stand up, my feet don't look human but rather resemble something like that of a fat footed troll, my hands have decided to play the sausage fingers game, my chest and heart have become pyrotechnic hobbyists, my intestines fight the baby constantly for who's in charge and I'm pretty sure the anxiety my mind produces through this entire experience is going to cause my husband to drug me with medication the minute it's over.....

Through it all. I am so happy. She is growing. I am capable of this. My body can do this. I am so thankful. I will never fully understand the pain of those who do not have this ability though I had the fear for a while that I wouldn't be able to. I am thankful. I will never take this for granted and I will forever be happy knowing she is a product of Owen and I. We love you little Belly Baby!